I often wonder what role race plays in attraction, or, more specifically gay attraction. These days one need not go further than his nearest laptop, iPad, or smart phone to make some reasonable assumptions on the topic. We're up front about plastering our preferences all over our gay social networking/dating/cruising profiles.
"Sorry no blacks"
"Please be white and in good shape"
"White guys need not apply"
"only into latinos"
"No asians please, nothing personal"
It's nothing personal, really? Would you say this to a guy at the bar? Uhm... well we are talking about a bunch of flighty queens here, so it's possible. As much as I'd like to say I'm an equal opportunity dater. I'm not. In my world, swarthy skin tones may advance directly to the front of the line. Now, before you get any preconceived notions about me, we'll come back to that statement in a moment.
I remember one time a few years ago I was having lunch with my friend Rob. Our waiter was this cute 20-something white kid with a swishy, but very desirable rear view. Now let me describe Rob. He's a masculine, muscle-bound, chocolate-skinned brother. On that particular day he was wearing a wife-beater and spray-on jeans. You get the picture, right?
So Rob and waiter boy were acting quite smitten with each other throughout the course of our meal. When waiter boy brought our check Rob piped up and asked him, "So, [waiter boy], do you date black guys?"
Waiter boy paused for a moment, being careful not to let the truth slip from his lips. "Uhhmm... uhhmm.... I have before... I mean.... Yes." His eyes were too glued to Rob's rock solid chest for him to even concentrate on giving a coherent response.
I laughed as my mind flashed to a line in Margaret Cho's stand up routine. "I'll eat pussy. It's just not my first choice." What waiter boy was really saying was "I'll slurp chocolate. It's just that my palette is more accustomed to vanilla."
So to make a long story short. Rob left his number on the receipt and I'm almost pretty certain he tapped waiter boy's delectable booty later that very evening (Rob isn't Mr. Right, he's Mr. Right Now).
So back to the role of race in attraction. Yes, I have a preference for men of color. And when I say men of color I'm not just limiting that to black men. Visually speaking, I get dreamy-eyed whenever I see mocha, caramel, yellow, gold, or godiva flavored skin tones. It's true, I have slept with more black and latino men than my fair-skinned comrades. Keeping with my swarthy theme I've even bedded an Indian and once attempted an Asian. Got shot down by the Asian, but if at first you don't succeed dust yourself off and try again. Okay, so don't get excited, the hash mark count on my bed post isn't as high as this blog post might lead you to believe. But low and behold, you might be surprised to know that a couple of those hash marks can be attributed to men of the non-color persuasion. I once even went mad crazy over this blond-haired, blue-eyed dude named Steve. He looked exactly like a Ken doll, and if you know me then you know that is the 180 degree opposite of my description of the ideal guy.
All this only goes to prove that while we may have our preferences, and yes, skin tone is a physical feature that can be described as a preference, attraction is fluid. Think about it. When was the last time you found yourself flirting with a guy that you wouldn't typically describe as your type? It was probably yesterday, right? Perhaps his beard goes against your no facial hair policy. Or maybe he's a little pudgier than the guy you imagine spending the rest of your life with. Regardless, there's something about him that you're undeniably drawn to. It's called attraction. Even as I'm writing this I'm sitting in a coffee shop where the milky-skinned barista with soft pink lips is one of the reasons I patronize this establishment on a daily basis.
Okay, so back to our original issue here. Is it offensive when you log into your boys-r-us networking site of choice and find yourself in a digital sea of hot guys who clearly indicate that they aren't interested in you because of the color of your skin? Hhhmm.... yes, and no. It's offensive because these "No [insert race here] please, nothing personal" statements are reminiscent of the "No blacks allowed" signs you might see on a tin box diner pre-civil rights era. I don't believe these guys are truly racist (some might be, but for the most part probably not). They're just tacky. And you can file that under "Yep, I said it!"
Note: this rant inspired by the following articles:
Black Pride and Prejudice by Kevin Maxwell
Everyone Loves a Racist Boy - Online by Oscar Raymundo
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